I run...

...for my dad, in his memory, for myself, for my son.

The hiatus is over.  I had every intention to run on October 17th, 2010 in the Columbus marathon, but then a miracle happened.  I found out I was pregnant with my son Linus.  What a surprise!  A happy surprise!  Since it was my first baby I was very skeptical about training or any strenuous activity.  Unfortunately, I stopped running all together and got fat.  Really fat.  But the little kicks inside of me made me not care how fat I was getting.  Now that Linus is nine months old I care.  Back to square one.  Maybe even square minus two.

Being fat is actually very insignificant considering the other events that have transpired over the last year and a half. 

In August of last year I got a call from my parents.  I was leaving an ultrasound and Sam and I were in a particularly good mood.  My mom spoke slowly, telling me that my dad had a lump under his arm that the doctor wanted to biopsy.  She handed the phone to my dad and he told me that he was planning on waiting until after his double (marathon in NH on Saturday and ME on Sunday) the following weekend to have the procedure done.  As is typical for our family, everyone had their opinion about this decision.  We cried and yelled at each other in the Weber tradition.  Ultimately, my dad stood by his decision.  He had trained to do the double and he didn't want to miss it.  I'm glad he didn't, it was his last race.

The biopsy eventually revealed that my dad had cancer.  Melanoma, an extremely deadly form of skin cancer.  He underwent several surgeries throughout October and November.  I have always been aware of how wonderful my father was, but during this time I started to realize the impact that he had on others.  The people in his life were so supportive and caring toward our family.  Even members of the Marathon Maniac community that didn't know him reached out to him with cards, emails, photos, packages.  It was very inspiring.  Last year we celebrated Thanksgiving in the hospital, but we were all thankful that we had each other to celebrate with.

During this time I kept the medal I earned in the race we ran together in DE in my pocket.  I squeezed it when I got scared.  Before one of his surgeries I showed it to my dad and said that we will run another together once he gets through all of this.  He smiled at me and told me that I better not lose my medal.  I still carry it with me.

The doctors were unable to remove the aggressive tumor completely and they determined that treatment was the best course of action at that point.  They started my dad on chemo therapy immediately.  As Christmas rolled around my mom tried to force my dad to wear a surgical mask.  He resisted.  My dad was a strong and proud man and he was not interested in being uncomfortable or looking foolish.  They reached a compromise:  If my mom was diligent about having everyone wash their hands and keeping sick people away then my dad would not have to wear the mask.  I remember it as one of our best Christmas'.

At the end of February I gave birth to my beautiful son Linus.  I've heard people talk about the feeling of  instant love, but I didn't realize how intense it is when it actually happens.  The moment Linus was set on my chest my heart burst with joy.  I was amazed that I (with Sam) was able to create the most beautiful being on this earth.  What a wonderful gift God had given us!

Linus was born in Indiana.  Despite having gone through three months of chemo, my dad came with my mom to see his grandson.  He held him and kissed him, congratulated me and Sam but left the next day.  He simply was too uncomfortable due to the pain and nausea to stay any longer.  I cried when they left for several reasons.  I was completely clueless on how to care for or raise a baby and I wanted desperately for my parents to teach me.  Mostly I missed them and wanted to share these first memories of Linus with them.  I hated that terrible disease for stealing these moments from us and hurting my dad.  I felt so guilty that I wasn't living closer to my parents so it would not be such a hardship for them to come to us. 

Sam and I made the decision that we needed to move closer to our family.  There were so many reasons to head back to Ohio. We could go to my parents at a moments notice if needed. We would have the support of our families with the baby.  We wanted Linus to know his Papa.  And so when Linus was only three weeks old we moved back to Columbus.

When the chemo treatments ended they gave us some positive news.  The tumor wasn't growing, it wasn't getting smaller but it wasn't growing.  Thank God.

My dad's birthday is May 27th.  This year my mom decided to have a big party for his birthday.  It was over Memorial Day weekend and a beautiful day.  My dad had quite a bit of energy and he looked better than he had in months.  You could tell he was really pleased to be the center of such a great celebration.  He was 59.  It was a great day.

The day after the party my friend Anna came to visit us and meet Linus.  When we told her about the party she asked if it was a milestone birthday.  I paused and told her about his illness and said "so yes, they all are!"

He returned to work for one month after his birthday.  I continued to call him everyday to see how it was going and I could tell that he was glad to be back to work, but it was a hardship on his body.  He once told me that he liked being at worked because they didn't treat him like he was sick.  While he was at work he was just Dave.

On July 8th my dad had an appointment with his oncologist.  After three months of relief from the difficulties of treatment he was hoping for positive news.  We all were.  That day felt like one of the longest days of my life.  After the appointment my parents were not interested in talking on the phone and sent out a quick text message: Not good has spread will start study asap  even with treatment 6 to 9 mo.  Frantically I tried to call her.  Then Rose.  Then Brian.  Eventually I called each of my brothers and sisters.  Finally, after what felt like an eternity I spoke to my mother as she was heading home from Cleveland. "What does it mean? Your text."  I begged hoping she had worded her text poorly.  After a long pause she confirmed my fears.  The next day I went to my parents with my sister and the kids.  We didn't bring up the text that day.

My dad died on November 3rd, 2011. 

In the last week of his life he was never alone.  My family surrounded him at all times.  We prayed with him, laughed with him, cried with him.  Despite the circumstances it was a truly beautiful experience.  Each of us had a chance to talk to him and tell him how much we love him and say goodbye. 

I miss him terribly. This is why I run for him.