Alone with my thoughts

...and my spit.  I totally forgot about the spitting.  I remember my dad warned me about it when I first started training for Wilmington.  I guess my many months of hiatus made me forget how frequently I needed to spit while running. 

The first time I ran on my new treadmill (did I mention that I needed it?) I was thinking about how much I wanted to spit.  I also thought about how my dad was such a great mentor while I was training before.  When I was traveling for work we would speak on the phone nearly every night and talk about running.  He would give me pointers, ask me about my run and how far I had gone.  He was always positive and encouraging.  It got to the point that when I called and my mom would answer she would just hand the phone to my dad without talking to me at all.  I barely spoke to my mom during this time.  I honestly think that if it weren't for him I wouldn't have crossed the finish line in Delaware.  I worry that I don't have my mentor to motivate and inspire me anymore.

My brother had told me that he often feels my dad's presence when he is running.  He said it is an amazing feeling.  This morning while I was doing a short run I thought about the things we would talk about if we were still having our daily chats.  He'd ask me how I like my treadmill.  We'd talk about the fancy programs it has and he would be impressed that I could program the Nashville marathon course and the treadmill would adjust the incline to reflect the actual elevation.  I would make a joke about Mark's shoes and he would tell me to lay off.  He may even say how he was thinking about getting a pair himself.  I would mention how Linus seems to like to fall asleep to the sound of the treadmill in the other room and he would laugh and say that Linus is a good influence on me.  As I ran and had my imaginary conversation with my dad I felt him.  I told him I missed him and began to cry.  It is not easy crying and running on a treadmill, which is not forgiving of sudden changes of speed. 

After I recovered from my grief while managing not to fall off the back of the treadmill the song changed on my iPod.  As I listened to the words I increased my speed and fell into a wonderful rhythm.  It reminded me why I run.  It inspired me to keep going.  It opened my lungs and put a smile on my face.  Again I felt my dad.  He was lifting me up and inspiring me.

I miss him.  I run for him.


"Run fast for your mother run fast for your father
Run for your children for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind you
Can't carry it with you if you want to survive...
The dog days are over"