Face It Head On

Ooouuuch!  This is the sound I've been making recently while I run.  About two weeks ago I rolled my ankle during a short run.  It didn't bruise so I thought nothing of it and continued to train as normal.  But a few days later it started to swell badly and was very painful.  I've never been prone to injury in the past so I wasn't sure how to treat my ankle.  After some research I've started icing it for about ten to fifteen minutes a couple times a day and elevating it above my heart as often as my life will allow me to.  Despite the unsolicited advice that I've been receiving from the doctors in my life (none of which are actual M.D.s) I continued to train on it.  I bought a ankle brace thinking it would help but it actually causes more pain than relief. 

Finally, with only 75% of my long run completed I was forced to call my husband for a ride home due to the unbarable pain originating at my left ankle and shooting up my leg, I've decided to give my ankle some time to heal.  In hindsight it seems a little silly to try to struggle through with the risk of further injuring myself but at the time I was scared that I might lose momentum in my training.

Setbacks are a normal thing in training and in life.  But in order to be sucessful we have to overcome adversity and push through. Sometimes we just need to stop what were doing and deal with the setback we have been faced with in order to make the obstacle more manageable.  Other times it is necessary to adapt and continue on with our lives.

When my dad first passed away I wondered if this was a case of adapting and continuing on with my life.  I knew that at first I would be sad and think of him often but I thought eventually my life would return to normal and I would be able to talk about him without tearing up.  As the time has passed I still think of him often and there are many things that prompt strong emotions in me.  About a month ago I was telling someone about this blog and what I aim to do with it.  He seemed a bit surprised when I told him that it wasn't just a running blog and that it is also about documenting dealing with losing a loved one.  When he asked me "So your still grieving?"  I started to worry that maybe I was holding on and not working through my emotions in a healthy way.  For the next few days I was self-conscience about my situation and I sought out some advice.   I began reading a book called The Mourners Handbook to help me work through the emotions and feelings that linger. 

The book talked about the very situation I had experienced with my friend.  Though his question felt calous to me when he first asked me about my grief I started to realize while reading the handbook that many people don't understand the grieving process.  It is very common for friends and family members to worry about a grieving loved one.  They want to know when their loved one's pain will subside.  Will it be a month?  Six months?  A year? The handbook says that there is no timeline that can tell us when the grief will subside.  The important thing is to accept that you must express the grief of your loss at some point.  If you hold in the emotions you can harm yourself physically.  Failing to mourn has been known to cause migraines and ulcers.

I guess the loss of a loved one is not something to adapt to but something to face head on.  Expressing the grief I feel through mourning his loss will enable me to remember him not with sadness in my heart but with laughter and joy for all of the wonderful memories we shared.  I look forward to the day when I can talk about him without a waiver in my voice but excitement for his acomplishments.  I will get there someday.  It might be a month from now, six months, a year or longer but I'll get there.  For now, I'll work on the little things.  Like getting my ankle back to health.